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May. 13th, 2011 | 06:26 pm

CSM was one hell of an experience. Well actually more of post-CSM. The event itself was quite cool though, playing with guys was a really good eyeopener but made me feel zibei about how crappy I am compared to them. But we thrashed 4B1 in tennis HAHAHA. And seeing you not once, but more than that, and you don’t know how terribly shocked I was during the first time especially. Didn’t see it coming at all. Convincing myself that it’s nothing more than a pure coincident. 

June camp meeting after that turned out to be a really deep heart to heart one, mainly because of me. Felt particularly tired at the start, but I think that was just my excuse to cover up me being really sad and thinking about loads of things.

Thanks to a person who knows quite a lot of details about it, a person who has a really interesting insight to life, and a person who reads lots of romance books, I’ve realised quite a few stuffs.

Realised that love doesn’t only make me blind towards your partner, but also to the world around, the people around me.

Realised that others actually know me better than I know myself. Like a lot better.

Realised that that relationship has not only made me lose you in the end, but almost some of my few close friends.

Realised that though I feel like I don’t have much close friends, but there are actually people out there who care for my well being all this while. This really heartens me.

Realised that I didn’t know what I became during that period of time, and I’ve actually really change then, and now.

Realised that one of my biggest flaws is overthinking, and overanalyzing every single small bit of detail.

Realised that I lock away so much of my feelings, that now I don’t even know what I’m really feeling.

Realised that I prioritised wrongly then, causing me to feel like I’ve no friends to really depend on now.

Realised that it still hasn’t gone away, that I’m nowhere near moving on, just that I am disillusioning myself that I am.

Realised that after all these, I still ain't sure what you're thinking/feeling, and somehow I wonder if I'm the only one feeling like this.

Really, a big shout out to Pingghee, Wanqing and Qiuhao, thanks for telling me stuffs I never knew, thanks for talking, trying to advice me though there's no point liao, thanks for actually willingly talk to me for 2+h about it, thanks for not making me feel awkward when I was tearing (I think? haha). REALLY REALLY BIG THANK YOU. If it wasn't for you guys I might most prolly go home and cry myself to sleep HAHAH. >.< 

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